By: Megan Trask, CEO + Co-Founder of TULA.
There are so many reasons to ask for help and often so many reasons we don't actually ask. This list is by no means everyone's Top 10 but I would guess it feels pretty relatable to many as it is based on both why I ask for help and what we've learned in 2 years of offering so many amazing clients and families support!
- There are not enough hours in the day to do it all. I'm starting with the obvious here. But beyond that, what if we reframed it to realize we don't actually have to do it all?!
- TO-DO lists are long for anyone but especially for families and working parents. Don't feel the need to compare what's on your list or how much you get done compared to others. Instead focus on crossing things off that serve you the most and looking for opportunities to outsource or totally cross of those that don't serve you!
- Dividing up TO-DOs can be stressful and overwhelming in a partnership. If you haven't already checked out Eve Rodsky's "Fairplay" we highly recommend you do so! She has created tools and systems to foster communication, active partnering and mental load management.
- Doing it all with no partner levels up the stress and overwhelm. I know this first hand and as part of my "why" for TULA was the time I spent as a single mom on what felt like a never ending hamster wheel. Taking inventory of what I could actually do became much more of a priority to me once I realized that trying to do it all was killing me. I'd be super remiss to not share that I am absolutely aware of what an amazing partner I now have actively partnering with me.
- Sometimes we just do not want to spend time doing things on our list that are a real drag or time suck and that is okay! Hello laundry, meal planning, scheduling appointments, finding a handyman, etc. Do these things ever really get checked off?
- If we do manage to find ways to do all of the things on our list that can come with a significant risk of burnout, resentment, and mental load peaks that are simply not sustainable.
- Letting our lists drive our priorities means we will often miss doing things we love and need and want to do. Kiddo activities, family time, and the one we often sacrifice the most: self-care! Exercise, meditation, creative outlets, passion projects, rest, all the things that support us as we support others, it is so important to keep those things ON the list!
- Your time is worth the most and it's simple math really. If what you'd pay to outsource something on your list outweighs the value of your time, in both dollars and relief, you should outsource. Or if the stress of not doing something is easily overcome by the relief, it's time to take note.
- Because you can! This can actually be the hardest point even when we know we can. Ripping off the bandaid and asking can be so hard, we see this as we add new clients, some come in with a list of many things and some come in a little more timid and feeling guilty about asking for help... after a little cheerleading it becomes much easier! The shame and guilt associated with not doing it all can be a lot. Let it go!
- Shifting your mindset to realize that doing less actually means doing more, more of what matters, more of what lights you up, more of what serves the life you aim to have is an absolute game changer and that realization is both so empowering and freeing!
So... just do it, ask for help! Think of it as a life hack, a flex of your confidence to know what you can and can't do, and know that TULA is here to help you in all the ways. We understand that TULA isn't always going to be the best fit, and that's okay. It's far more important to start shifting your mindset away from that feeling of having to do it all. Have a partner? Put focus on your partnership and actively partnering, communicate in a way that is rooted in allocation rather than resentment and with a focus of owning what each of you can and want to own. Have a village? Offer time exchanges so you can rotate asking for help without guilt. The beautiful thing is that we are so often people who love the feeling we get from helping others so let someone else experience that feeling as they help you knowing you can and want to return the energy in a way that feels good to both parties.
We are passionate, actually slightly obsessed, with changing the narrative around prioritizing with purpose and feeling empowered by asking for help rather than letting a TO-DO dictate our priorities and energy. We'd love to help you get started on your list so you can find more time. Click HERE to download the app and get started! Just want to chat - email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.